butter

butterfly effect- the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere (definition from Oxford Languages)

we met through mutuals, now i constantly wonder if you’re okay

i rode with you to get food, now i’ll never trust anyone the same again

we studied together in the coffee shop, now i’m afraid of rejection

we listened to Rex Orange County together, now i look for you in everyone i meet

i met your family, now i’m scared to get close to anyone

we told each other everything, now i wonder if any of it was ever real

we got into college, now i wonder if you ever think about me, too

we woke up at 3am to see the sunrise, now i smile randomly when i think about your laugh that i miss

we went on trips together, now i send letters in the mail that will never be returned

i turned 18, now there isn’t a day that goes by where i don’t wonder if i could’ve done something differently

we partied together, now i associate the feeling of nausea with heartbreak

i drove you to your job, now i connect that town with your name

i said we needed a break, now i don’t think i’ll ever love anyone the same

we parted ways, now i’m scared to pin anyone on snapchat because what if they leave, too?

when those “large effects” suddenly turn minute…

i used to constantly wonder if you were okay, now i walk more confidently than i did before knowing your face

i thought i would never trust anyone the same again, now i am happier than ever

i was afraid of rejection, now i’ve made friends who know me better than you ever did

i used to look for you in everyone i met, now i know i’m worth more than the shit you put me through

i used to be scared to get close to anyone, now i don’t care who judges me as i walk by

i used to wonder if any of it was ever real, now i have learned to romanticize everything in my life

i used to wonder if you ever thought about me, too, now i have forgiven myself for all of my mistakes

i used to randomly smile when i thought about your laugh that i missed, now i love myself without the need for public approval

i used to send letters in the mail that would never be returned, now i write for people who are trying to heal themselves

there used to be no day that went by where i didn’t wonder if i could’ve done something differently, now i have found a new part of myself that i never knew was there

i used to associate the feeling of nausea with heartbreak, now i can watch the sun set without thinking of you

i used to connect that town with your name, now i want to flick off every car that looks like yours

i didn’t think i’d ever love anyone the same, now i’ve made myself the most important person in my life

i was scared to pin anyone on snapchat because what if they left, too? now i wish you could meet my best friend who loves me unconditionally

thank you, next.