I wish you could’ve been better for me, too.

I would like to start off by saying that I don’t know exactly where this blog is going to end up. Much like many of the relationships in my life, I don’t know where it’s going to go. If you think this is about you, it’s not, so don’t try to get up with me and ask me if it is.

This is my brain, my life, my relationships, etc.

Please tell me what the hell I am supposed to do when you say “I wish I was better.” Hell, I wish you were better, too. However, I would never say that to you.

When you say “I wish I could’ve been better for you,” what exactly are you trying to accomplish? Am I supposed to feel pity for you when I am the one who has suffered because of your actions? Trust me, I know how it feels to hurt people. I’ve had to do it many times in order to better myself. However, what I’m not going to do is try and apologize for being a shitty person. I know when I’m wrong, but I also know I can’t go back in time and change the decisions I’ve made. If you want to be better, don’t do shitty things to people. Don’t knowingly treat me like shit and then try to guilt-trip me later. That is manipulation and you KNOW that.

I know good and damn well you don’t want me to admit all the times that you made me miserable. But GOD you made me so miserable. I feel like I did everything to keep you happy. I KNOW I did everything to keep you happy. So yeah. I wish you could’ve been better for me, too. I don’t need you to say that to me in order to put an imaginary Band-Aid over the scars you left.