To the College Student on Winter Break Who Hasn’t Been Home Since Summer…

It’s hard. I’m not going to lie, this is one of the most emotionally draining things I’ve ever had to do. Every way I look, I see places that I used to go to in high school. I see places where I made memories, but they seem fake, distant, and like they never happened. I thought middle school was a blur, but high school is a whole different story. I look back at pictures from when I was a high schooler, and none of it seems real. I feel as if I’ve been away from home so long that it isn’t home anymore. College is my home now. My new friends are hours away while my anxiety attacks are on the pillow beside me. I can’t lay certain ways without getting flashbacks of where I used to cry in my room. I can’t even stand to close my door because I feel like I’m shutting out my family, whom I never see anymore. I don’t know how to see my old friends without feeling like I’m leaving my family members behind. I don't even know if I want to see my old friends. Seeing them makes me feel seventeen again, which doesn’t seem like a big deal…

But it is to me.

Being home reminds me of all the times I spent in high school bawling my eyes out over boys, friends, homework, sports, etc. I hate being home. I hate remembering my “old life.” I feel like I have two lives, the other being my college one. I constantly feel like I’m in a dream world and I’ll be back to real life in a few weeks when I return to college. I hate this feeling, but it’s normal. I don’t know how to explain this feeling to my parents without hurting their feelings, but it’s normal. I am writing this because I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. You are not alone. I am not alone. The way you feel is valid, so don’t keep it bottled up. Doing that will only make matters worse.

You are okay, and you are loved! Cut yourself some slack. It’s been a hell of a year, with a hell of a lot of changes. This is new to me, and it’s new to you. We’re going to be just fine.